“Tapas” is Spanish for “Overpriced Appetizers.” I wish they’d go away. I hate Tapas and I hate restaurants (not in Spain) that try to be sophisticated by serving them.

Here is my list why I despise Tapas:

- I don’t want to share my main course with everyone else at the table. I want to order what I feel like eating and be done with it.

- I don’t want one gourmet rib that I need to split three ways with my table mates.

- What is one or two bucks at Happy Hour is 5X more when magically renamed “Tapas.”

- I don’t want my food to trickle out as if it took the chef 30 minutes to prepare that two inch square of tunafish. Bring out the food all at once and let’s get to eating.

- Giving bad appetizers a fancy name doesn’t make it taste any better. No, I don’t think cilantro infused calamari with black olive sauce is delicious.

- I hate the feeling when everyone is staring at the one remaining morsel on a shared Tapas plate and nobody wants to eat it out of collective guilt of not wanting to be the glutton. Then everyone stares longingly while the poor lonely Tapa it is taken away with your bellies still rumbling.

Finally, let’s not forget the bill: The Tapas Coup de Grace.

After a frustrating meal of overpriced tiny dishes of food you’d never normally want to eat yourself (let alone want to share), you get the expensive bill. The mental arithmetic soon kicks in: Did you eat enough of X Tapa or not enough of the more expensive Y Tapa? Did someone else overeat and should they pay more? Why should you pay more for some expensive Tapa plate that another person ate most of themselves? Etc.

So you end up putting in your $40 for your delicious meal of 1/2 of a crappy Tapa eggroll, another 1/3rd of some generic fish, and 1/4th of something so bad nobody else finished it either. What a wonderful dining experience!

I hate Tapas.